Tuesday, January 28, 2014

my promise

we sat last night and talked about everything we regretted from that day. the words you heard, the ones you didn't, the ones that could have been said. it changes nothing about that day or the rest of our lives- but it helped to be one in it. neither one of us knows about to be just two- and neither of us plans on learning how. you will never not be a part of us that is just empty. we both still have so much anger and hurt over your choice... but i promise that if there wasn't a love so deep that even we didn't know how much we really needed you- then we wouldn't be as lost as we are today without you.

i cant change what happened. i cant fix anything. i hurt more now than the day you left. i will never not be sad at some point in my day. but as misguided as you were, i know that you just wanted everyone to be happy. i cant do that yet, but i can promise this:

i will live because you didn't, smile because you couldn't and love because that's what you did most for me.

i promise that i will say this every hour of everyday until i can actually do it. and when that happens, i want you to promise that you let go of whatever inside of you thought this was what you needed to do and know that wherever you are- we love you.

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