Monday, July 23, 2012

welcome to LA


i've been listening to "the recipe" on repeat on/off for hours. its just so smooth, i cant help it. i really do miss LA so much. i was trying to explain to my friend how i have yet to expirence something as peaceful and [/insert made up shit] mind-righting as sitting on the edge of the pacific ocean on redondo watching the sunset. or the look of the moon on the water from a bluff at pt fermin. or how the world disappears when you get an opportunity to miss all the traffic and just ride out on pch. theres something about how the wind blows and the sun touches your skin. i know it has its own special brand of bullshit, but i love south bay like you dont even know.

i've never had this level of peace on the gulf or atlantic coasts. i'm sure there are other places this feeling can be achieved and i'm more than willing to take anyone up on the offer to let me test the mediterranean on their dime. i also know being there with the limited responsibility of a teenager is flavoring my feelings quite a bit, but i've  never in life felt more calm anywhere as i have in the places i described above. 

LA i had some bad times with you, my love. but thank you for showing me that i am capable of complete and total serenity. this crazy mind of mine needed to know it was possible. 

Saturday, July 14, 2012

its been two weeks and 2 days since i've gone to work


now, i’m no fan of my job. i only do it because i’m good at it, it allows me to pretty much do whatever i want in terms of schedule, personal business, school, etc and i’ve been there forever. i really need to stop procrastinating and finish this simple fucking bachelors degree so i can get out of there to be perfectly honest. this month off to recover was such a blessing because i was feeling so claustrophobic and i was DYING to have a break.
that being said… 
i dont care how much i need to heal, i needed a break, whatever…. i’m so bored right now i could cry. i spent the first weekend having fun and prepping stuff for surgery. that week of surgery i had some complications and had to stay five days instead of two. i came home and recouped for two more days and the last few i went on some day trips to the movies, the zoo, etc because i’ve been feeling fine (though i tire easily) ITS NOT ENOUGH!! i’m bored as shit. my friends work. they have kids. they are unaware i’m even out of work (i chose to be very limited in sharing this until i process it all the way). soooo…. theres nothing to freaking do! i like being alone for the most part- but this is getting too much for even me. even the internet is boring me… i’m going crazy!!