Monday, January 23, 2012

Wading through the insanity .....

Problem 1: you have a girlfriend. You live with said girlfriend, although she's aware you don't love her. Actually, you can't love her-  because you love me. She knows all this and is holding onto hope that you let me go. But she's totally ok with us talking/ meeting in the meantime. But for now, she's really really sick and going in/ out a comatose state in the hosptial and for you to leave her would be cruel. I should be understanding of this and wait with you until the time is right.

Sure.

Problem 2: you are a newly converted fundamentalist Muslim. That in and of itself isn't a problem- the problem is I'm Catholic. I would need to convert- or at the very least,agree to not participate in any way with ANY Christianity related activities, teachings or schools of thought. And, we're going to need to have an Islamic wedding service so we can have sex without violating Allah, but the legal ceremony is optional- we might not be ready for all that yet.

Sure.

Problem 3: you can't be alone with me, because we're not married and it violates your deen- even in public. You would have to repent everytime and that's just asking too much of Allah. I get it. I mean he must be pretty busy forgiving you for sharing a bed every night with your girlfriend while openly coveting another woman, so asking for forgiveness for having coffee could be the tipping point.

Sure.

Problem 4: all of this was DISCOVERED, not volunteered. But you were honest once it came up, so that should count for something.

Sure.

Problem 5: when told - very clearly - HELL NO, that signaled to you that negotiations should begin. We should start over,be friends, get to know each other without the relationship pressure and my refusal to do so, makes me an asshole. But not to worry, if I would just see it from your point of view, you would allow me to not be an asshole anymore. That should be my goal.

Again. Sure.

Thank you Samsung for installing a reject list on my phone.

My telegram to Jesus

Dear Jesus [stop]
I'm trying very hard to remain faithful [stop]
I've been single for years now getting myself together and waiting for someone you promised me. [stop]
I'm not trying to rush you or anything [stop]
But if I still have a ways to go, I would really appreciate some nerve calming pharmaceuticals [stop]
I'm really close to the edge, Lord.[stop]
Love, Jasmine [stop]