Tuesday, December 13, 2011

You're not the same person...

A longtime friend said this to me recently. At first it really pissed me off- how the hell are you going to tell me I'm not..me? But you know what? She's right. And I have zero place to even be mad she would say that.

The last few years have been a roller coaster of emotions for me- both in dealing with past hurts and stumbling upon new ways to upend my life. It also has been a time of finally setting limits and personal boundaries in what I will accept for my life, ways to change it for the better and HEAL. Yes, it took a huge toll on me, added strain to friendships and rendered my love life nonexistent- but would I prefer to be in the same place I was before all this just to avoid the pain? Absolutely not!

I feel horrible that some of my friendships are different now. But in the grand scheme of life- not all of them were meant to stand the test of time. We had fun. I love you & hope you will always love me, but I was never happy in that place, I was just a better actor than I'm willing to be today. It saddens me that you were there to see how lost I was and still want me to be back in that, but I understand change is hard- especially when its on someone else's terms.

I'm by no means done with the changes I want for myself (and honestly I hope I never stop striving for more) but I hope once I get on a solid path we find a way to see each other through trustful eyes again and you will have growth of your own to share with me!

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