Monday, December 19, 2011

I bought a new car!

So you finally settled on a dealership and bought a new car from Greg William Buster's Auto Emporium.  Congrats!! Sure, its not exactly what you wanted- a few less miles per gallon and it doesn't have one of those pretty control panel screens that knows everything. And there was a slight hiccup in the finance department - something about the numbers not being exactly right, but its new (to you), the dealership was nice to you and you're happy.

Time passes and you start to wonder if maybe it's time for an alignment, maybe an oil change. You call the dealer to schedule some maintenance and they tell you everything is just fine- no need to look under the hood. This strikes you as a little odd, but hey- they're the professionals, just listen to what they say.

It's been a few years and you've never had to do any maintenance on the car- not even so much as a blown brake light and its great! Who knew there was such a thing as a totally maintenance free car and why did you ever doubt the dealer? Sure, now the check engine light is on and you can't get it inspected, but the dealer said they would take care of it for you and sure enough, you picked up the car and the light was off. They were even nice enough to tuck the wire they pulled out of socket under your dashboard so it didn't look unsightly. How nice of them!!

Then one day, your driving down the road and out of no where, this idiot sideswipes you-all oh no! You're front end is smoking and you don't know if you'll be able to get out. Just at that moment, the car backs up and hits your car AGAIN! This time he hits you from the back- what are the chances?! You finally pull yourself from the wreckage and get the drivers information. Oscar Bill Lawton, you scribble down. His insurance is going to pay for this!! You're taking everything!

The next day, the dealer calls with a breakdown on the damage- its bad, but the car they gave you was strong, and they would fix it right away. All they needed from you was to tell the insurance company to get all they could from Samuel Hunter. Wait, Samuel Hunter? But Oscar Bill Lawton hit you. No no, they insist, Samuel Hunter must pay the bill. Ok they've been right all this time, so you go after Samuel Hunter.

More time passes and you worry that your patched up car isn't going to last as long as you thought. The dealer reminds you how helpful they were after the accident and to give them some more time before you look elsewhere. They are still trying to collect the insurance money from Samuel Hunter and they've been so loyal to you. Sure its cost you a lot of out of pocket expense because you went against your gut on who to go after and the subsequent repairs, but they're right, they've been with you through all of this. How dare you question them?

More years, more you have duct tape holding up your muffler, a cracked windshield, none of your lights work and your car smokes when you turn corners. You are finally fed up with the dealership and decide to make a change. This time you are going to be sure. You interview service managers and look up customer reviews. You even poll your neighbors to see if they think you should change too. Everyone agrees- you should change. Its for the best. So you head on over to Bares O'Brien Motors to get everything checked out. Sure enough, its a mess- but they say if you give them some time, they can work to make it right. You breathe a sigh of relief.

Over the next few months, you notice the new dealer is still costing you a load of cash. Every few days its something else. The wiring is messed up, the transmission is slipping, the belts are worn thin...its never ending with these guys! Why can't he be more like the last dealer and just make it work without all these extras?! He's killing your car repair budget and its starting to cut into your vacation fund. You try to explain to him that for years and years these expenses were not necessary and you think you're being taken you a ride. They explain that there was a much bigger mess under the hood than anyone could have anticipated and though they don't like spending their time fixing it instead of selling you a new car, they will work with what they were given- you just have to give them time. As a gesture of good will, they tracked down Oscar Benjamin Lawton and he made good on the insurance money- they were going to use that to get some of these repairs in order.

You just roll your eyes and mumble under your breath about how much they are costing you. The last dealer was so much better, too bad you didn't just listen and stay with them. This new one seems hell bent on driving you right into the poorhouse with fixing everything- they are ruining your maintenance free car experience! The nerve! You start sitting outside of the office, demanding your money back. You even get your neighbors who spoke so highly of this place to do the same. How dare they try to rip you off?! Don't they know your money is what keeps them in business?!

They sit down with you and try to outline where your car problems started and how they plan to fix them. They even set up a payment plan so that you could have a working car and not go bankrupt. You looked at the plan, then back to them and said 'But does this plan guarantee that my apple tree will never cross pollinate with my cousins orange tree in Florida?'. The dealership is confused..what does that have to do with your car? And how is it even possible that your apple tree and an orange tree in Florida will cross pollinate? You laugh at their confusion. They really must be stupid! Far too stupid to fix your car and they are definitely not the dealership for you. Stupid Irish! Not that that's why you think they are too dumb to fix your car, just saying.... its a Irish dealership. It's just an observation. I mean, some of your coworkers are Irish and they are very sweet people! Its just.... it's not important- you just need to find a new dealership again. This ones just not working out.....

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