Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Jesus you love me,dont you?

And I love you too!

I'm telling you folks....I don't know if any of you noticed that there has been a hint of depression and despair in my posts over the last few years (sarcasm)....but right before I made these short term goals for myself I sat down and had a little conversation with God. Basically I wanted Him to know that I know He knows I'm close to the edge, but jumping was looking much better than holding on. I needed to be reminded why I'm holding on - not that everything will be perfect, but that I would be ok.

These goals, while necessary and positive forward movement, were really my last ditch effort at giving everything I have to a make my life a LIFE and not just a series of breaths. If I couldn't do it, I was chucking the deuces up to the rest of the flock. I felt like such a failure because I just had to humble myself to ask for more help than I knew I could return favor on, I didn't feel like I would or could ever finish school and I felt so...forgotten. It all felt so impossible to climb out of. Well, I'm still climbing (and stumbling) but let me give you the update on why October 2011 is my official answer from the Big Homie that I was not forgotten.

[I'm literally in tears as I write this, thinking back on how different a feeling I have from then to now. Thank You. Thank You. Thank You.]

Ok, on with the update..
So far October (end of september) brought me to Diana Ross, the Isley Brothers, to Mexico with my siblings (that I needed so so much) and my blessed financial aid refund (lol).

So today, as I was driving back to work after paying the last 2 debts in my goals to reach before January, I was contemplating picking another debt to pay off, blowing $ on concert tickets (either Will Downing or Smokey Robinson) or padding my savings. Don't you know the radio station asked for the 10th caller and instead of changing the channel - I called and won! 2 tickets to see Will Downing. Coincidence, sure. Luck of the draw, fine. But I know doing what I was supposed to be doing and following through with my promises put me in that place at that time and that was His reminder to stop giving up on myself & Him. It may be stupid to everyone else, but I've been having a great month for 3 weeks- It didn't occur to me that He pulled me back from the edge until a few hours ago. I get it. I thank You.

So, lets wrap this up:
-3 debts- paid in full
-school- midterms are this week. I'm pulling low a's in both classes.
-smoking- still smoke free. Still mad about the puff in mexcio.
-my diet has been much better (I started the bgg2wl plans last week), but I'm slacking on 5k progress. I have an appointment with a treadmill in the morning lol.

New goal added: 2 stupid debts off my credit report.

Lets goooooooooooooo

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