Monday, May 30, 2011

letter to my internet friends

Dear Favorite Internet Friend,
Yet again, I can't really write this to one person. There are six fools in my email everyday & to value one random jokester over another would be unfair. Now that I think about it, 3 of them are real life folk now, but as our regular communication is online, they win anyway.

While people will look at me sideways for taking my breaks at 30 min intervals to read email on my phone, it is a worthy use of time when it comes to these folks. They have ruined all that is pure, reverent and sacred about every topic under the sun. In our e-world, Prince is the reigning king of life, pandas are a sign on sexual deviance, pirates are real & some Canadian woman named Kim is our hero at least once a week.

While there have been quite a few line up changes over the years and I came in at the end of the usual suspects heyday, the current setup keeps me in danger of losing my job from laughing so hard pretty much on a daily basis- not to mention all the shoes links they have ruined my bank account with. I wouldn't be able to take my job with out them.

So thank you, blog homies, for making WAR EAGLE, *unsubscribe*, Maybe? & this is work related a part of my daily vernacular. I look forward to many more productive hours wasted with you all.

Love from southern Canada,
P, J, Ja(z)s, holder of clean curtains, etc...

Sunday, May 29, 2011

letter to my ex

Dear Ex,
I sat for a long time this morning thinking about what I wanted to say to you in this letter. Would I focus on the times where you made me feel like the most beautiful, amazing and lucky woman on earth? Or should I go off and rage about all the evil ways we ended and all the lies I found out about after the fact?

In the end, while I appreciate the good times we had, writing this letter about them seemed false. But putting energy into rehashing all the things that ended 'us' feels like a waste of energy. Sure, there are times that my mind will wander back and I still have anger towards the situation, to the signs I would have seen had I had a bit more maturity and been a better judge of character. But I've told you all that. There's nothing new or any grand epiphanies that writing this letter would bring.

So I will simply say 'Its over." Whatever love or pain I experienced- I learned from it. As I look at your life now, sadly you haven't. Its still everyone else's fault. I hope one day that you will & it makes you a stronger man for your kids, yourself and whomever you decide to have a new relationship with. I'm tired of feeling broken behind it. And somewhere along the way- I did heal. I just didn't realize it until I had to write this to you today.

God speed & God bless,

Saturday, May 28, 2011

letter to a stranger

Dear Stranger,
As we both stood in the seemingly endless void that is a checkout lane at our local Wal-Mart, surrounded by women with too few clothes, government subsidized shoppers with multiple carts full of junk and old ladies with mountains of coupons & checkbooks in hand- I could tell you were tired. You wore a Perkins name tag, your pony tail was slightly off center and your sneakers showed signs of wear and spills from the shift I gather you just finished. I'm going to guess that the happy birthday Dora gift bag in your cart means your day is far from over and a child's birthday is in your very near future.

It was the sight of your daughter that prompted me to write you this letter. An adorable child of about five or six, her curly hair was expertly sectioned in multiple ponytails, each tied with bright bows selected to match an ironed, correctly sized dress that was cute enough to surely send my mother into hysterics as to why I don't have kids yet. Her white sandals were actually white and also were a proper fit. She spent our time in line asking you questions about how far away her birthday was and if she could have a counting party. While I have never heard of a counting party, her excitement about being able to do it & her want to share it with her friends made me smile.

After your reassurance that she could have a party with number books, she felt confident enough to poke around at the 5 million trinkets & candies that lined the aisles. When something was just far enough out of her reach due to my cart being in the way, she looked up at me and asked politely "Excuse me, ma'am. Can I go here?". I moved the cart out of her way, in shock I just heard excuse me & ma'am in the same sentence from anyone, much less an unprompted child.

She made her selection of a kit-kat bar and turned to you- "Mommy, can I have candy?". While you did tell her no and remind her she was having cake later, she was just as happy to hear you would let her have one of the peaches you were buying when you got in the car. Within a few minutes the two of you were done checking out and on your way to your party.

I just wanted to let you know how impressed I was with you obvious dedication to being a parent to an amazing child. Despite your weariness, you were warm and generous with your her. She was cared for physically even when it meant skimping on your routine. She was going to have a wonderful day, even if it meant you had an exhausting one. Her manners were impeccable and her lack of even a hint of tantrum was appreciated. Your love for her and care for her well being now and later in life is applauded.

So, stranger, thank you for being the kind of parent I wish all parents were. For you I know it must seem like the status quo, but amongst a sea of unruly, unkempt peers- your child shined bright. Happy (belated) Mothers Day! You deserve to be celebrated!

A fellow Wal-Mart shopper

Friday, May 27, 2011

letter to my dreams

Dear dreams,
I'm a little upset with myself, as I had plans on writing a beautifully crafted masterpiece detailing both my love of how vivid you are and that my hate at how many times I've had deja vu because of you. However, I'm currently writing this from my phone while working another 8- midnight shift, so my focus has shifted to a much darker place. So instead of this being an ode to the intricate thoughts of my subconscious, it shall be statement on my current life circumstances.

So... My dreams.

I'm so sorry that you have been crushed against the harsh realities of this job. I sold my soul to the devil instead of following you and finishing college like regular people. I let the draw of easy money at a young age cloud my judgment and let me forget that nothing lasts forever. Now I am stuck in chicken head central, making pennies compared to what I've become accustomed to, trying to finish school before I jump out the sealed first floor window of my office to a slow death via the sure to follow staph infection I will get from my skinned knee..

Dreams, I love you, but you seem so far away. I'm hanging in there. I know nothing worth having happens overnight & that I'm in this position because I didn't act responsibly with the blessings I was given. I do appreciate the vast shoe collection this job allowed me to amass and that I was able to have enough to the side to last this long. Just don't forsake me, dreams. I'm coming for you. Just hold on a little longer. I promise to not fall victim to the raggedy weaves, missing teeth and slanted, leaning heels of my current predicament. When I finally do get to you, I will hold on for dear life and use you to make even greater dreams. And when I get there and you look at me and say "Now where do we go?", I will smile back and say "All the way to the top, if you aint scared. You just have to trust me baby!"

Love always,

Thursday, May 26, 2011

letter to your sibling (or closest relative)

O & Imp,
As I find it pretty close to impossible to write this to just one of you- congrats, you both win.

First and foremost, thank you both for providing me with each and every single permanent scar on my body. Be it from being used as a guinea pig for stunts, running from black bears or chasing eachother around the house with steak knives, intent of severing a major artery- you two taught me to be quick on my feet and ready to defend myself at all times. Having you (and minimal electronic entertainment) allowed me to develop a very active imagination and dream bigger than the world would allow (we won't tell mom it also allowed for quite a few near ER visits).

Having you through all the things we hated and loved about ossian, st marys, the mustangs & chestnut was honestly the only thing made it ok and funny- even when it wasn't supposed to be.

O- thank you for being the greatest example of a truly good man for your sisters & your sons despite having to figure it out on your own. And thank you for starting the wild animal bucket list. I will finish it if it kills me.
Imp- thank you for growing into an amazing woman with impeccable planning skill despite my horrible example lol. One day I WILL get the hang of extreme couponing & have my own closet full of toilet paper.

I wish we had a closer relationship now, but I love how things pick up and go right back to normal the moment we start talking. I was a little worried I would lose that with you, O, & never get to that point with you, Imp. And I know I bitch about having to be the ONLY one to ever travel...but I get it. It still pisses me off & you better start doing it when I have the same reasons, but I get it lol.

I love you both.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

letter to your parents


there is not a word large enough to describe how much i love you and need you in my life. as the years pass, i realize more and more every day how much of an impact you have had on every aspect of my life. i love art because of you. i dream in color because of you. my dearest friends are in books because of you. i have seen how important living life is because of you. i understand freedom because of you.

you are not just my mother, you are my oldest friend. you gave me the only two people that understand me even when they don't understand my actions in orion and maya. you have supported us in every way we ever needed and in ways that we never knew exisited.

i pray that one day my children will know my love as completely as i know yours.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

letter to my crush

dear crush,
i'm sorry i really don't know who you are at the moment. given that a man with the traits i value is not on the immediate horizon and there doesn't seem to be one with the traits i don't value but a skrong back peeking out either- i guess we will focus this letter to my more abstract crush of the moment.

kelly. freakin. rowland.

do you remember that episode of cheers where woody writes & composes a song for his fiance? (kelly, kelly, kelly, kelly, kelly, kelly, kelly, kelly, kelly, k-e-l-l-yyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy) well that song is all that ran through my head as i saw this vision of amazingness on the billboard awards white carpet. you all know i don't "do" chicks in real life, but i find nothing wrong with appreciating with God puts beautiful on the earth, and that's exactly what she is. skin- flawless, smile- confident, curves- bought or not, very nice, and wearing the HELL out of a herve leger bandage dress. she is giving me ALL my life in this picture. she is giving exactly what i aspire to be able to give more often- self assurance.

kudos, miss rowland. you most certainly are giving me some motivation.

Monday, May 23, 2011

letter to your best friend

dear best friend,

i sat wondering who i would be able to write this to, as i cant really count anyone as my true "best friend". i trust different people for different reasons and i don't value anyone that i call a true friend over another. maybe that's a factor of my lack of trust, but i think its more about utilizing strengths and accepting flaws in the people i love and myself. so, this letter will be to quite a few people. i hope those that it applies to are able to see themselves reflected in it.
you are the only person that knows the things of which i am most ashamed and you have never judged me for it. even when i'm very sure i crossed a line due to my selfish nature and probably made you uncomfortable, if not hurt- you still want the best for me. i wish our relationship was closer day to day like it used to be, but lives are what they are and i am proud of the direction yours has taken- as a parent, a business person and human being.
i thank you for always being the voice of reason and positive reinforcement. i know i must drive you nuts with my random self diagnosis of crazy as well as my ability to be preoccupied with figuring everyone else out but myself. i will cross with you in 2012, i promise for real this time.
and finally, you understand my love of research and how it can be beneficial for everyone. i love you for that. you recognize when i cant and don't chastise or push, then turn around and recognize when i can and push until i realize it too.
you are invaluable to be and i don't know how i could live in this mind without you. thank you for all that you bring to my life.

30 day letter writing challenge

this was sent to me as something to do via tumblr, but since i still haven't bothered to learn how to use mine and this blog just sits here- it'll work.
the point is to write one letter a day for 30 days, each to someone different. while i will include the basics of the "who" i have no plans on naming names (or at least it doesn't seem like it would be a good idea based on some of the assignments. i've posted the schedule below if you plan on doing this with me.

30 Day Letter Challenge.

* Day 1 — Your Best Friend
* Day 2 — Your Crush
* Day 3 — Your parents
* Day 4 — Your sibling (or closest relative)
* Day 5 — Your dreams
* Day 6 — A stranger
* Day 7 — Your Ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
* Day 8 — Your favorite internet friend
* Day 9 — Someone you wish you could meet
* Day 10 — Someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
* Day 11 — A Deceased person you wish you could talk to
* Day 12 — The person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
* Day 13 — Someone you wish could forgive you
* Day 14 — Someone you’ve drifted away from
* Day 15 — The person you miss the most
* Day 16 — Someone that’s not in your state/country
* Day 17 — Someone from your childhood
* Day 18 — The person that you wish you could be
* Day 19 — Someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
* Day 20 — The one that broke your heart the hardest
* Day 21 — Someone you judged by their first impression
* Day 22 — Someone you want to give a second chance to
* Day 23 — The last person you kissed
* Day 24 — The person that gave you your favorite memory
* Day 25 — The person you know that is going through the worst of times
* Day 26 — The last person you made a pinky promise to
* Day 27 — The friendliest person you knew for only one day
* Day 28 — Someone that changed your life
* Day 29 — The person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
* Day 30 — Your reflection in the mirror

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

silly girl, you are just being sensitive

i do talk alot of mess, but honestly it takes alot to really piss me off. or at least piss me off enough for me to care 10 minutes later. insulting my intelligence because you don't want to admit that you might of crossed a line (or just stop crossing it) is by far the easiest way to really piss me off..

so a long time friend tells me he had a dream about me.

*sigh* really?

i'm not 12, i'm aware that if a man tells a woman they had a dream about them without immediately telling you that you were doing a specific, non-sexual action, it is more than likely an attempt to see how far they can take it. call me oversensitive.. fine. i can only go by what i've experienced.
anyway, i quickly changed that subject and kept on with my day. but this friend wanted to go back to it- now i'm a chicken for not wanting to know.

*sigh* really?

ok, whats it about? "oh, i have to tell you via another communication because its private". ok. private aka inappropriate and we can end the convo because i dont want to know something like that from a friend. friend i've never had any sort of sexual relationship, tension or even overture with or from. a friend who is married. even more, a friend i see almost daily and just dont want that discomfort with. this response makes me sensitive. he was "just playing" and theres no need for me to take offense.

*sigh* really?

alright, one mo gin... my bad, whats the dream about? can you check your fb private messages?

hell no. fuck that, i'll be sensitive for no reason and you'll be an asshole for no reason. cool?

lets move on now..