Monday, January 5, 2009

darkness

Bottled up inside myself, unsure of which way to move

All the feelings I want you to understand, all the things I have to prove

All I really want is to feel like I've won

But at the end of the day when all is said and done

Fighting this race is an exercise in futility

Because the harder I fight, the more I lose me

The more I give, the more I allow, the more I make it easy for you to live

Ends with me unable to breathe, asking myself how, letting my heart seethe

I should be happy, so you say

I should be able to see the beauty in today

The smile of my child, the prosperity I walk in

I see your lips moving, but I can't hear you talking

When is it my turn to feel deep down in my soul that I have made it?

That at any moment another devil won't be there to take it

Why can't I make myself move past this?

Wanting to be wrapped up in joy, love and happiness

An order so tall that even the good Lord himself can't seem to deliver

And it's cold where I live, so much that even my heart can no longer shiver

When is the ride over, when can I say that I've given enough?

When is it that I can say my smile is more than just a bluff.

A friend told me I just love too much and I can't expect to control that

Such a noble attempt to heal my pain, yet I reveal in the past

Breathe in, breathe out, I start another day

Not yet ready to accept the beauty I exude, or so they say

Maybe tomorrow will be different, maybe it won't

All I can do is keep trying to value myself, even when others don't

Pick it up, stay the course, walk like I'm not broken

Until the day I find a sliver of sunshine to walk in.

one day, mo. one day... keep fighting the battles as best you can. the war cant last forever. the words always come back and the love you give WILL be returned in due time. you are too beautiful inside and out for anything less. take your moment.

~j

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