Sunday, January 25, 2009

on my mind...

why these things were on my mind, i couldnt tell you.. but whatever, i gotta get them off my chest because.. yeah, i dont know the answer to that either...moving on...
~i want another tattoo.. hmm... my neck? my forehead? tramp stamp? BWAAHHH ok no on all that and there is no other cool place i dont have one already, so i guess i'm not getting one...
~i have listened to candyman 'knockin the boots' at least 20 times in a row tonight.. and i'm still jammin.. *sigh* i'm so simple lol
~does it signfy a problem if you came home today and said to yourself "self, dinner isnt happening.. drink this here alcoholic libation and call it a day"
~NONE of the streams for the game are working. this is some bullshit!
~i need to stay the hell off twitter, i'm on it entirely too much
~i wonder if i could commit to 2 hours a day... hmm.. food for thought..
~i had a dream omar was walkin around my apartment in hot pink fishnets and an eagles jersey askin about wee-bay... thoughts?
~ bscott is my dude. seriously.
~sissynobby gives me low self esteem. why mine dont move like that?
~why do i never have to pee until i'm comfortable?
~ 6 voicemails.. have people not learned i dont listen to them yet?
~thinking i might ask someone out to dinner next saturday. are girls allowed to do that? ah well.. probably going to do it anyway...
~i LIKE doing for others.. i just dont understand why others think that because i like it, that its not nice to be done for as well.
~ too many people are inherently selfish and try to pass it off as focused. not to say they arent, but that doesnt excuse lack of a larger world view
~ everytime i read the news, i get depressed. this is the world you want me to bring MORE lives into?
~i'm about ready for winter to be over
~ i havent gotten in my seven laughs for the day yet- i think i'm at 5... must find 2 more. make that 4.. extra credit is always good
~ still listening to candyman
~i should watch that movie tonight, but it actually DOES scare me.. why must i love it so much lol?

Sunday, January 11, 2009

where are your children?

Where are your children
Huddled around screens with fuzzy pictures
Watching the surrender of Harlem’s Robin Hood figure
Where are your children
Bludgeoning, shooting and stabbing before they can yet be called men
School of hard knocks more prestigious than traditional books and pen
Where are your children
Idolizing entrepreneurs of death
Forever looking for that father figure whose promise was never kept
Where are your children
Selling dreams of taking back their city
When in reality, only on a quest for power, no matter how horrific, deadly or gritty
Where are your children
Unsure of how to grow in productive members of society
Instead taking the route of fear and ruthlessness bringing them piety

What are your children
And how did they become so lawless
How did the straight and narrow bend into this criminal mess
What are your children
If not recreations of your twisted image
Able to rap before they can read, greatest priority being their status and visage
What are your children
Faithful followers, not of the God you taught, but the god you displayed
Teaching them not to build, but to spend before they were paid, credit before they save
What are your children
As the caliber of gun becomes more important than the child behind the trigger
And we realize that we can no longer balk when they call us nigger
What are your children
But vessels to spew the excuses for mediocrity they learned before their times tables
And mannequins for your need for rank, facades and labels

When are your children
Going to be planned and not just accepted
Celebrated, lifted up and raised in the care of both parents, not rejected
When are your children
Going to idolize something other than the American gangster
And not feel like that gang is their best bet because it’s safer.
When are you children
Going to have parents that accept their own role in the society their children pillage
Stop saying ‘those kids’ and become a valuable part of that village
When are your children
Going to stop dying for growing into the monsters you made them
The only answer is when you stop breeding them into bedlam
Where are your children?

Monday, January 5, 2009

darkness

Bottled up inside myself, unsure of which way to move

All the feelings I want you to understand, all the things I have to prove

All I really want is to feel like I've won

But at the end of the day when all is said and done

Fighting this race is an exercise in futility

Because the harder I fight, the more I lose me

The more I give, the more I allow, the more I make it easy for you to live

Ends with me unable to breathe, asking myself how, letting my heart seethe

I should be happy, so you say

I should be able to see the beauty in today

The smile of my child, the prosperity I walk in

I see your lips moving, but I can't hear you talking

When is it my turn to feel deep down in my soul that I have made it?

That at any moment another devil won't be there to take it

Why can't I make myself move past this?

Wanting to be wrapped up in joy, love and happiness

An order so tall that even the good Lord himself can't seem to deliver

And it's cold where I live, so much that even my heart can no longer shiver

When is the ride over, when can I say that I've given enough?

When is it that I can say my smile is more than just a bluff.

A friend told me I just love too much and I can't expect to control that

Such a noble attempt to heal my pain, yet I reveal in the past

Breathe in, breathe out, I start another day

Not yet ready to accept the beauty I exude, or so they say

Maybe tomorrow will be different, maybe it won't

All I can do is keep trying to value myself, even when others don't

Pick it up, stay the course, walk like I'm not broken

Until the day I find a sliver of sunshine to walk in.

one day, mo. one day... keep fighting the battles as best you can. the war cant last forever. the words always come back and the love you give WILL be returned in due time. you are too beautiful inside and out for anything less. take your moment.

~j