Tuesday, November 18, 2008

the real and the not so real

so apparently, there is need to share this openly, as it applies to more than one person, on both sides of the coin.

lets start off with the good news, or great news actually...
I HAVE THE MOST AMAZING FRIENDS
lol, i know you guys have gotten a blog before, but that was directed at 3 of you specifically with a few others that it applied to. this is to all of you, especially since there are a few more that i have gotten close to since then. i am truely blessed to have you.
those of you that are there for me even when what i need most is to be alone.
those that want the best for me and actively contribute to my life in a positive way. those that get pissy drunk with me for no reason, or stay stone sober with me (or for me, as the case may be lol).
the ones that hate folks just because they made me cry and love them again when i forgive them despite themselves.
those that carry themselves as strong, educated and classy individuals to give me an example when i feel like mediocraty just might be acceptable and the ones that send me emails like the one that just popped up with contents far past anything that could resemble class (lol)
those that understand i have my issues and laugh with (or at) me and are comfortable enough to include me in thiers as well.
and most importantly- those that are honest with me above all else. even when it hurts me or them.
the fact that you have enough respect for me and enough invested in your own worth to keep it 100% at all times are the ones i value the most. i may not always want to hear it, and i have been known to need a minute to process certian instances of no holds barred truth... but i appreciate it more than any one moment with any of you.

now the bad news... some of you dont fit that bill.
some of you i thought might be capable, and gave you the space to show it either way. some i knew from jump that you would be a pariah in my life and let you in anyway- for varied reasons, none of which hold water today.
regardless of the who what where why and hows... its time for me to walk away from that and i want you very special folks to know the one reason for it, so i dont have to hear later that i'm acting like a funny dude or acting like i dont know you. the truth is, i'm glad to have known you. you taught me some thing(s) about myself and what i need in a real friend. but bottom line... if i cant trust you to do as the ones that will be here tomorrow and tell the truth, then what exactly is the point?
over the last week or so i really had to ask myself why i would let people that would lie about something as simple as the color of the sky into a position to know intimate details of my life. still not totally clear on that answer.. but i am clear that just because i opened the door, doesnt mean if have to continue to let the cold air in.
so yeah... no soup for you! lol
now i know i will get the messages asking if ommissions are the same as lying.. simple answer- yes. while i dont need or want every detail of anyones life.. things that can directly come to negatively affect me are lies, not ommissons. and point blank denials of fact are by defintition, a lie- just in case its not immediatly clear i'm speaking to you.
so thanks for the laughs, but the season is cancelled and the network isnt renewing the contract next year. exit stage left. the real riders are on the right and i would hate for you to get popped in the eye with a champange cork (though i would still laugh hysterically. after i knew you were ok, of course.. ok maybe not, but i would try to hold it in.)

peace and love
~j

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