Wednesday, November 5, 2008

dear santa

dear santa,

i'm writing you to say that i'm tired of waiting on you. every year, i write you to tell you how good i have been. how much i prepared, did my chores, was nice to everyone and to ask that because i did so much all year, that i get that one special gift. that one thing that i think will make me smile on christmas morning.

then i get stiffed.

but years pass and i watch everyone else open thier gifts all smiling and happy. they hug thier teddy bears. they ride off into the sunset on thier new bikes. they wear thier new jackets and stay warm against the harsh winds of jack frost. and i'm happy for them. i smile with them. but i'm still here with no teddy bear to hug. no bike to ride and i'm cold because i dont have a coat.
i went looking for donner and blitzen. i figure if i can get your reindeer to chill over here for a little while, that eventually you will come looking for them and maybe remember to bring my reward with you when you come. well i found donner, blitzen and even that shiney nose havin muddasucka rudolph- and you know what? they had fleas and now i'm scratching like no ones business.
so then i figure frosty the snowman could help me. i mean its the wind from the north pole that brings him to life right? hes GOT to know how to holla at you, right? well... frosty is triflin. he only comes around when he feels like the wind worked hard enough for him to come to life. he sits idle and ignores me until he feels good and damn ready to run through my yard all happy and hyper. then.. THEN when i finally let him in my house, he gets funny about keeping those silly rubbers, i mean golashes, on so that he doesnt melt all over my floor and leave a big mess. AND he doesnt stick around to clean it up either. just drops it and leaves before i can slip and fall.
after all that, you would think i would stop looking for you, stop writing you letters, stop hoping that THIS year is the year that i get my present that is wrapped up all pretty under the tree AND has the most wonderful, thoughful gift that fits perfectly and keeps me enthralled for hours and hours on end. more disappointment.
but still, i never stopped believing in you. and i even forgave you when i found out that you were shackin up with that darn "mrs" claus- this alleged 'wife'. i bet you gave her a gift. i bet you were so busy getting her gifts that you forgot to come to my house, huh? AND i know about the elves too. you're not even right having them running all your errands and such and all they get is a 'joy' of helping you do YOU. and they get to watch you with this supposed spouse everyday for thier trouble. so cruel!
THIS year, i decided i was going to stop looking for random christmas personas and ride around until i found YOU. yes santa, i was riding past your mama house, your baby mama house, your big homie baby Jesus too... yeah, i didnt see you.. bet you were off somewhere with the three wise men lighting that damn incense- werent you? you aint isshhhhh santa!!!
so i'm not going to write you anymore letters. bump that. the easter bunny BEEN hollerin at me. he kinda funny and likes to hide my stuff though. matter of fact, i may just go all the way and take up with the tooth fairy! at least she understands that when the call goes out, you answer that mug!! AND shes timely- always shows up before i wake up the next morning. what you know about THAT santa?! whens the last time someone needed you in june and you took time out of your busy schedule making 'toys' to check on me? yeah- NEVER!
you know those delicious chocolate chip cookies i lay out for your every year... yeah, i'm taking those back- the milk thats in those pretty decorated jugs- yeah thats not for you anymore either! so there!

wait, i think i hear slieghbells!!! is that you? are you finally coming? is it my turn this year? i take all that mean stuff i said about you back, santa. you know i love you. you know i want you in my life, santa. you know that i will still make sure i'm good all year- just for you santa. but i need you to give a little. even a stocking stuffer. some popcorn balls on the tree. something, santa. i know i said i stopped believing in you, but honestly santa, no matter what happens or how many puddles frosty leaves on my floor! i will never regret what you might have brought me.. just hope in what is yet to come.

love always,

dear reader.. if you think i'm nuts.. replace 'santa' with 'love' and read again lol... santa is still real- i promise!

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